It’s so easy to not belong. There’s always something that doesn’t mix well with your soul no matter where you go. I think I’ve spent a good portion of my life in denial of this. I build future chapters in my head to fix my current discontents, and then it’s so easy for my spirits to slump when I get there and suddenly the place has it’s own problems, and the hope turns to disappointment, and this warps into utter despise.
Truman Capote wrote a book called Breakfast At Tiffany’s, which was also made into a movie. I’ve found comfort in this story for as long as I can remember. The protagonist, Holly, is so broken, but she appears to have it all together. When you meet her, she’s absolutely lovely. It’s Audrey Hepburn, for heaven sakes! She’s dressed to the nines, decorated in diamonds, and hats, and all that is New York fashion. But when she’s out of the glam. Away from the parties, and is released from the overbear of the expensive clothes, she is broken. She looks the part but doesn’t fit.
I think the reason I’ve watched this movie multiple times, and connect to this character who lives in both a different world, and a different decade than I, is not so much that I relate to her, it’s just that I feel that I make the same mistake as her. I think we both wander into worlds wondering what this new life will bring to us, but never try to figure out what we might bring to it. I try to find places I fit, places that fit me, but I’m only boxing up my own potential.
I think I have been misguided by this idea that in order to live somewhere I have to be like the rest of them. My college, like many, classifies people with pretty specific stereotypes. It’s not dangerous stereotypes, but you definitely fall into a category depending on where you live and what you like.
One thing I’ve recognized from these stereotypes is no one ever finds the stereotype that fits them perfectly from the start. There have been too many times that I’ve seen a person change to becoming what they want to be classified as. I’ve seen people find a group, and that group becomes their entire identity. There are “hipsters” that entirely reject anything mainstream, and “preps” who reject anything hipster. There are “artist” who reject all science minded assumptions, and “scientist” who denounce all art.
This goes beyond my college, this is life.
I honestly believe this is why I’ve never quite found my fit. I’m not a two dimensional person, as most people are not, and I’ve never allowed myself to be that way. I have met “hipsters” who reject a part of me because I enjoy some mainstream things, and other parts of me have been rejected by “preps” because sometimes I just don’t have the energy to try so hard. I’ve been rejected by “scientist” because I’m extremely art minded, but I’ve also been rejected by “artist” because sometimes my logic just overpowers my creativity.
I know this isn’t just me. We’re in real life, after all, not some self-published $1 eBook. I know a lot of people must have multiple dimensions. Why would you want to quiet or especially lose any of them?
Don’t decide who you are, based on a group you want to fit. Base who you are on qualities you admire in all groups.
Holly expressed in the earlier clip, “…until I find a place where me and things go together,” but unfortunately we are all beings of this very worldly earth, and as a result there is no place tailored specifically for us. There is no utopia, and for as long as you seek this paradise in a place that is merely another blob of life on this great big earth, you will be left living as if you have it all together, but in the safety of your own privacy you’ll merely spend forever like Holly. Lost and seeking the moon river.
Meet people where they are, and keep yourself no matter where life takes you. When you form to be a group you deprive yourself of the raw and beautiful humanity that makes you up.
There are so many clones in the world. My dad calls them “mirrors.” So many people can only see in themselves the box they chose to be imprisoned in. So many people will only allow themselves to become a replica of the one specific person they chose to mirror.
Mirrors were made for you to look at yourself. They are possibly the only socially acceptable form of narcissism in life. So take a good look. See the beautiful parts of you, and hey, even take a look at your flaws sometimes. Just don’t allow that image to stop being you.
Don’t be like the rest of them, darling. There is no place quite like Tiffany’s, but you can always meet places half way.
Calligraphy by: Taylor Hillegonds