Wait, this website still exists? I understand your confusion, that was my precise thought when I got an e-mail telling me to either pay $40 or lose my domain name. I mentioned it to my husband, because I’ve recently learned that it is wife etiquette to mention any new purchases you may be making over the sum of $20, and he had some concerns, naturally. He mentioned that if I am paying to have the domain name, then I should start to utilize it again.
This is probably a good idea, even beyond the financials. About two or three years ago I began posting weekly on this website. My resume proudly declared me as one who maintains a weekly woman’s blog. Life got busy, as it so often tends to do, and I changed my agenda, and my resume to read, “maintains a Bi-weekly woman’s blog.” I, ashamedly, never changed the wording on my resume, however, if you look at the blog’s past postings, you will quickly determine that I slipped away from even that loose regimen I assigned myself.
This blog has always been a strange reality check for me because it tells me a lot about myself and my many chapters. I wrote during times that were good, times I thought were kind of bad, and times that were actually bad.
In all of these times, I can read what you all read, and what I wanted everyone to read, but I also have the curse and blessing to read what I was actually writing and what was behind every single word. I know the words I wrote with confidence, but I also know the struggle behind this confidence.
I wrote so many words full of wit and joy, and boy, do I hope you all think I am as witty as I try to be, but the truth behind it all: the humor, the wit, the jokes, were mostly written in extreme irony.
Sometimes I even addressed my hard times in a way that made it seem like I figured it all out. I was navigating these storms, doggonit, and nothing was in my way. I was learning, yes, but I was still lost.
So where I am I today? Well, I’m about $40 less rich than I was yesterday, and oh yeah, still very lost. On top of lost, I think I’m always a little confused, a little hungry, and a lot tired.
This all adds up. As mentioned before, this blog tells me a lot about me. And what does rereading all of these things that my mind once yelled, tell me about me? Well, among other things, it tells me is I am a half quitter.
I’m not a full quitter, because I rarely leave anything for good. However, I temporarily quit a lot, and I come back a lot, and then I quit again.
Maybe that makes a breaker, I don’t know, but I do know that I almost always come back. It’s not in the dramatic “I come back stronger than ever” kind of way. I just kinda venture on back in there, and think, “hmmm, maybe I’ll try that again.”
If you’ve ever played a game with me, be it cards, or PIG, or Mario Cart, you have probably heard me proudly shout, “COMEBACK KID!” I love being the comeback kid, and I’m good at it. I will get down to the very last place and somehow find a sprint. With this, I kill it in a streak of luck until that very last turn when I need it the most.
If you’ve ever played any of these games with me, you also know that I choke, I choke hard almost every single time.
This is all fun and games until it comes to my life. Does anyone, you know, those ten or so of you who actually read my blog, remember when I was reading avidly, and posting monthly book reviews? I was trying to read 50 books that year. I stopped at 40. Some might say, “Hey, that’s 40 more than I read that year,” but when I look back at past blogs, and I see that unfinished list, all I see is my choke. I see the new job and trips at the end of the year. I see the hours on the airplane that I planned to read a lot, but I just didn’t feel like it.
Which brings up the next part of the comeback… every time I choke, it is on my own promises. Every time I plan a comeback, I base it solely on my own promises.
It is so easy to break promises to yourself. I can’t decide the cause and effect of this. Is it easier to break promises to yourself because it is easier to make promises to yourself, or is it easier to make promises to yourself because it is easier to break promises to yourself?
The truth is I make a lot of promises to myself. I make a to-do list every single day, and half of the to-do items flow over to the next day every single time. I only make my way half-way through a new workout regularly, and I cheat on my paleo diet every day, every meal. I cheat so badly, that no one, including my husband, has any clue that I try really hard to eat paleo.
I choke on a day-to-day base, but boy, am I a comeback kid. And that is something to be proud of, no matter what the pressure of the world tells you.
Comebacks are so much fun.
So here’s my truth for you. I don’t have anything figured out. I make and break way too many promises to myself, and that might not change.
There’s about a 3% chance I actually run a total of 15 miles this week like I planned.
There’s about a 5% chance that I write a blog next week for my loyal 10 followers like I plan.
There’s a 0% chance I keep to my paleo diet today- I already poured about half a cup of cream in my coffee.
There’s about a 3% chance that I finish my novel this year, or next, or ever.
and there’s about a 7% chance that I finish my to-do list today or even this week.
The odds aren’t in my favor, not according to my 23.5-year history. But I’m going to keep working on those chances.
I’m going to keep promising until the day that I become a priority to myself. I’m going to keep promising my comeback in everything I do until these comebacks become an actual way of life because these challenges and these promises make me a better me.
This year I’m only 10 books into my 50 book challenge, but that challenge keeps me reading, and I’m thankful for that.
My challenges keep me running, and I’m thankful for that.
The to-do lists keep me working, the blog keeps me writing, the diet keeps me thinking, and I’m thankful for that.
So keep your eye out for my comeback, and keep watching for my choke, then watch me come back again.
Keep your eyes on your own comeback, your own choke, and your own revival. It’s not failure. It’s not quitting. It’s a comeback, I tell ya, and it’s beautiful. Be proud.
Through it all show grace. Show it to me and show it to yourself. We’re all so tired, and we’re all so confused, and we’re all just making it.
COME BACK KID is coming on this (fingers crossed) WEEKLY blog. She’s coming on her workouts, on the Indy Mini-Marathon she’ll maybe one-day run. She’s coming on her marriage, on her mental health. She’s coming on her work life, on her social life, on her relationships. She’s coming on her role as a dog mom and a cat mom. She’s coming on that novel that gets deleted and restarted annually. She’s coming.
Join me, and let me join you. Let’s be come-back kids together, and maybe, just maybe, one day we’ll defeat the choke.