“You’re cool and all, but your friend started texting me, and well…”
*extremely detailed and graphic text about “last night” followed by, “Sorry, I meant to send that to someone else.”
“God thinks that we should break up.”
“You know how at the beginning of the semester we were both virgins… well I’m not anymore.”
*complete silence for the rest of our life… (we might still be dating…?)
“Your hair was blonder over the summer… I really prefer blondes.”
“My ex puts out, and she wants me back.”
You know the old high school Ode, God Blessed the Broken Roads by Rascal Flatts? There is a line in that song that I’ve clung onto since the days of acne and braces:
“Other’s that broke my heart, they were like northern stars.”
Well that list above, the list that made you laugh, or relate, or cringe… those were a few of my northern stars, or at least the paraphrased lines they used to point me on my way.
I, like many, have a pretty rocky dating history, full of cringe-worthy moments, and red flags that were obliviously overlooked. I made questionable decisions and trusted men with questionable characteristics thinking that most of my happiness would someday be found in some form of a “sweetheart.”
I knew that love and happiness was probably not in the cards for me in my hometown and after a semester at college being completely repulsed by the “ring by spring” personality of a small Christian University, I even resonated to the fact that I might have a naked ring finger for the years to come.
No matter my resonation to this fact, I never lost hope of the thought that I was “meant to be” a wife one day, and the stars would keep on pointing to make that happen.
I made marriage out to be the final destination of the journey that the northern stars pointed me on. I would find him, and in him, I would find all of the joy I had been lacking. No more lonely nights, no more being the third wheel, no more financial stresses. A husband solves a surplus of my issues.
I found my husband by age 23, much to my surprise, and probably yours. I am so happily married. I love sleepovers, and Saturday breakfasts, and I can’t even express how excited I am for my first holiday season as Mrs. Luetkehans.
And while there is so much happiness in this relationship I have been gifted, none of my problems were solved. I still battle waves of depression, I still feel lonely at times, I still find myself as a third wheel, and most of all, there is still rarely enough money to go around.
This isn’t because there is anything wrong with my husband, or even because there is something wrong with me. The fact of the matter is, this man, this wonderful, beautiful, sexy hunk of a man, was not “meant to be” my final destination.
Truth be told- he’s just another northern star.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a VERY clear distinction between him and my other northern stars. Last I checked he’s fine with my brown hair, and he does not seem to think God is telling him to dump me, but he is a northern star, nonetheless.
My husband, my best friend, the biggest fan of my life, is the brightest northern star I have ever met, and if you find the right star, the right man, and he wants to marry you, then do it.
However, marriage should never be your final destination, it should never be the thing that you believe everything in your life is pointing you to. Don’t expect every broken heart to lead you into the arms of “Mr. Right.” Maybe it’ll lead you into the arms of Mr. Career, or Mr. Passion, or Mr. Mission, and that is a whole new beautiful form or matrimony.
I know now that I would get to where I am going with or without my husband, and my husband would get to where he’s going with or without me. We are both incredibly aware of this.
And beautiful girl, you will get to where you are going with or without a big diamond on your hand.
If you’re married, and happy, great- Keep living.
If you’re married, and still find days that you are unhappy, great- Keep living.
If you are not married, not engaged, not dating, not seeing that ring by spring that you want so badly- great- Keep living.
My husband is a gift, a great friend, and a forever partner in crime (seriously he J-walks like a mad-man), however, he did not solve all my problems, and it was never fair for me to expect him to.
I have many northern stars, and they did a great job of leading me to Andrew, however, the path keeps going, and it keeps turning, and sometimes it is scary, and it makes zero sense. Sometimes it is so unbelievably happy, and many times it is absolutely exhausting.
Keep going, but never assume that stars are always pointing you toward a man, and never, ever, EVER wait for the man to continue.
You will do great things, and sometimes the best things, the best destinies will happen on your own.