“I am not cut out for this.”
I cannot tell you how many times these words have been spoken over the past four years.
The truth is, we’re not cut out for this. No one is.
Malignant. Cancer. Metastasized. Ewing’s Sarcoma. What horrible words.
Nobody is cut out for cancer. No one is cut out for loving someone with cancer. This disease, it is ugly. It is unnatural. It is straight from the pit of hell. It is a complete and total intrusion of a body. It is cells that are so sneaky, so manipulative, that they disguise themselves as your own so they can kill you from within without your immunity’s natural interference. I’d hate to meet the person who believes they are cut out for something like that.
So no- we’re not cut out for this. We’re not. Our family is not. Our friends are not.
But here we are.
“God will never allow life to give you any more than you can handle.”
I feel like this is everyone’s go-to quote in times of trouble, and while the intentions are good, the pressure and confusion it caused us was devastating.
If He doesn’t give you more than you can handle, why are we drowning?
If He doesn’t give you more than you can handle, why are our relationships crumbling?
If He doesn’t give you more than you can handle, why are we here?
We’re in the absolute pit of a hardship, and we can tell you that life absolutely gives you more than you can handle. This quote is misinformed, misguided.
The truth is, life will almost always give you more than you can handle, but the beauty is, it can never give you more than He can handle.
Before we entered our own battle with cancer, we spent over 21 years hearing of other people’s stories, other people’s battles. We heard about how strong other people were in similar situations. That’s the stories people choose to tell.
You hear things like:
“His faith never wavered,” or “she never complained.”
And maybe that is their story. Maybe they entered their battle with a different perspective. Maybe they entered their battle in a much different season of life.
However, that is not our story.
That is not our truth.
And we don’t want others entering their own hard seasons with these unrealistic expectations for themselves.
Our truth? Our faith has wavered. We have complained. We have taken our frustration out on others and each other. We have shouted. We have said things we regret. We have threatened things we regret. We have pushed people away who were only trying to love us. We have pushed each other away. We have pushed God away.
We have come up short time and time again. Everyone comes up short.
No one is cut out for this.
We were not, are not, and will never be cut out for this.
But that’s okay.
Our faith has wavered through the years, but that never made God any less faithful, and that’s the beauty of this story.
Our prayers have stopped at times, but He never stopped speaking to us. That’s the beauty of this story.
Our perseverance for the kingdom has slowed at times, but he never stopped pursuing us. That’s the beauty of this story.
We have questioned a lot over the years. We have questioned what we believe, who we believe in, and what that all looks like. But He always knew us, always sought us. That’s the beauty of this story.
As humans, our story is a tragedy. As humans, our story is one of continuous failure. But His story, that is one worth sharing.
Faith waivers in times of devastation.
No one is cut out for this.
God allows life to give you way more than you can handle.
But He is always faithful. He is cut out for this. He never gives you more than He can handle.
And that’s our story. He is our story.
~AT & AL
6 thoughts on “The Beauty of This Story”
hey girl!!! i hear you and soooo can relate. i heard your story from a friend in wheaton. my 18 year old daughter died in her senior year at wheaton academy of a horrible lung/heart disease. we fought for almost 10 years. and yes it was and still is waaaaay more than we can handle!!! but 2.5 years out i see God rescue us again and again and again although it has been messy and ugly and still is. HE IS FAITHFUL and i can tell u that because we have been(and and still are at times) in that pit of hell. standing with and praying though we havent met!
Your words and your truth always speaks to me through your writing. That was beautiful.
In this world you will have trouble but take heart I have overcome the world. Love you Andrew and Alycia 🙏🏻
I totally agree with you honestly Raw observation I used to say over and over again that God gives us only what we can take. But question why there is more he gives us and how we handle that
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What a wonderfully honest piece of writing. Thank you so much.
I remember this often from one of Louie Giglio’s talks. It’s one of my most reliable go-to passages I
“Rosy circumstances? No. But He promised He will renew my strength. He has promised to never let go of me. If I keep hoping, He’ll keep giving me strength; and He’ll never let go if me, even when I let go of Him.”
Praying daily for Andrew and you. I am friends with his brother Josh. I am praying believing that the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead is able to spare Andrew. Also I have shared the GoFundMe page on my business and personal FaceBook pages and sent it to all the members of our Bible Study group, and have requested all to pray without ceasing for Andrew. I do not pretend to have the words to say that could bring peace or comfort but wanted you to know there are many people praying for you and your family and friends.
What beautiful and painful honesty you have shared. I will take deep breaths today, I will find the beauty in the small things and I will be sending you all prayers and strength! It must feel like a very isolating and lonely battle at times, but know that people everywhere are hearing your story, wishing,hoping and praying for your peace and strength! 🙏