I was well submerged in youth group when I was in high school. The “save yourself for marriage,” talks were offered about twice to three times a year, and believe it or not I listened. I listened and I banned all things sex from my relationships. The problem is, while I was saving my sex life for marriage, no one was telling me that my love languages were exposed, or even that this exposure was a bad thing.
The reasons offered for saving my sex life for marriage were all pretty self explanatory to me when I was younger. I will never forget the sermon where my pastor stood on stage with a Barbie Doll and four Kens. He then dismembered the Barbie, giving a leg to one ken, and an arm to another. He was trying to symbolize the baggage of the act, the idea of giving a part of yourself to all of these different men.
Loud and clear!
But the problem is, even the most sexually pure of us tend to give very sacred parts of ourselves out a little too liberally.
We give our love languages.
I remember in college when I took the love language test, and suddenly so much made sense to me. Suddenly I could see how my two top languages played out in my high school flings, and more than that, I could see the significant roles they played in my worst high school heartbreaks.
I expressed my love languages very openly even in very shallow relationships. Though I listened in church and saved my sexuality, I still gave very important parts of myself, my heart, and my emotions away to men who did not deserve nor value this gift. No one told me this was wrong or dangerous. No one told me these parts of me were sacred and should be treated as such. I don’t think anyone really knew or understood the damage that this could actually inflict on such a young and vulnerable heart.
So let me be that person for you, that voice of warning. It becomes easy when you are so focused on saving your sexuality to makeup the void in the relationship by overcompensating with your love language. After all, sex is a sin, loving vulnerably is not. If anything, the bible encourages it. And it should be encouraged, but you should also be discerning of the situations.
Realize that these languages, so unique to you and the formula of your heart are important, sacred, and should be protected. Don’t give just anyone access to this. Don’t just give out the formula of how you need to be loved, how you desire to be loved, to the first guys to look your way. You never know how these languages might be used or manipulated.
Be selective. Be sure that their motivations are pure. Save the language for when you know for sure that love exists in the scenario.
A girl’s heart is beautiful, and part of it can be stolen from you by more acts than just sex. Let yourself love, be vulnerable at times, but save these languages, these formulas, for the man who deserves to know how to love you and who will use this knowledge to love you well.
PS: You should know that there will always be redemption. Whether you gave an undeserving man your love language or your virginity, there will always be redemption. God granted me redemption from all of my broken hearts about two and a half years ago, and this man, this redemption loves me in every one of my languages, and he loves me extremely well. He is my beautiful reception, and yours is out there somewhere too.